THE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT OF LOVE AND HATRED

 Ever since I’m capable of gaining memories, I always hear stories from companions on how their childhood days were. These were stories telling the terror parents rearing and disciplining their children through physical punishment, most of it was hitting that is also prevalent to teachers in some schools of some countries. It wasn’t my experience but I remember vividly how they describe how long, how wide, and how thick that rod is and how frequent they have had experienced it. Companions said that even sometimes, they were hit by hangers, ropes, sticks and hands of their parents. They were not only being whipped, their parents also slap them, spank them, scald them, and whop them.

On the other hand, there’s hearsay that if a parent hit his or her child, he or she is showing a sign of love and care because accordingly, only insane would hit their children without any good reason. So if these parents who hit their children aren’t insane, what is this good reason behind it? Why they practice this discipline approach in their household? How this can go overboard?

Parents physically punishing their children start from the mundane actions of these children, such as they ditched their classes, punched their playmates, didn’t do their homework, refused to eat dinner, and took someone’s belonging.

The mentioned activities affect parents’ emotions. When they learned the bad activities of their kids, they’ll get mad for they were embarrassed for those wrongdoings. They know that their children's personalities reflect to their own so if the children commit bad deeds, they would feel that people gossip and think that they also committed bad deeds. They pity their ego. So they wrath, they hit.

In some instances, parents hit their kids in front of other people. This is so just to show to these people that the bad deeds their kid committed were against to their will and were entirely the sole decision of their kids. They also shout while hitting because it’s one way for them to cease their madness. They were carried by their emotions. Parents expect their children to behave perfectly, to act based on their will, to do anything without a mess.

Some parents would also hit their children because it doesn’t require a long period of time to be carried out because they were too busy or too irresponsible to do verbal disciplining. In other words, they want to fulfill their obligations quickly. However, did it bring them good outcomes? Will that give them more flexible schedule? It can, however, the quality of bonding time with their children decreases. They add time on hitting their kids while their good bonding decrease.

It’s not always but mostly, hitting children comes from the burst of parents’ emotions; it’s not always with some love or love alone. Parents hitting their children because of love should be a forceful act. They force themselves to do it even though it’s against their will. At the end, they wouldn’t regret as they know that what they did was right and plan to verbal discipline him or her more strictly next time. On the other hand, parents who hit their children because of the burst of emotions are abusing their children. They would regret at the end of their hitting, they will be carried by conscience but still, they will force their minds to think that it was okay since it was “for their own sake” but what they are not aware of was that they were losing good relationships with their children in every pain they give.

A parent who hit with love is patient. He or she only does corporal punishment to correct serious moral transgressions such as stealing, lying and watching porn. He or she only does verbal disciplining in mild voice without harsh words for either less or more serious acts. But they who hit with emotion are yet to give up his or her single status days. These parents are moody and easily get mad even by the lightest mistake any child can do such as when they’re slipped on the floor and damaged their toys. They do hitting while they are stressed, frustrated or angry with their child.

Then how to determine parents who hit with love and those with emotion?

It’s a matter only they can answer. If they hit because they were carried by madness, they should think carefully, what aspects do this hitting affect their children?

Parents usually tend to start doing physical punishment when their kids are three years of age until they’ll be admitted to high school. They think that it works as a teaching tool. However, in retrospect with long-term effectiveness, these children are more likely to have a variety of developmental problems in the future.

Hitting their children because of emotion may have good results but only in front of them. However, if parents are not around, they seem like wild pigs in the forest. What they cannot do in front of parents would be done in front of others. This would happen because of the fear, the fear that they will be hit again. So they will take advantage while they aren’t being watch by their parents since they were traumatized with the corporal punishment and if these happen on a regular basis, some children tend to lose their self-esteem thinking that they are worthless people.

Children will more likely to make himself superior among other kids and only be inferior with adults. When they’d grow up, they can learn to be inferior but no respect and they can be superior with no dignity.

Sometimes, they want to revenge their parents but don’t have what it takes to do so, so they revenge on their playmates, on their classmates, on their siblings and even on unacquainted kids. If they are industrious in front of their parents, they are lazy in other places like schools and communities. If they are soft-spoken in front of parents, they have the loudest voice without parents’ presence. It would always be vice-versa. They would fear their parents all the times but parents didn’t gain respect that much from them.

This explains why many students are so talkative at school even during class discussions. They are taking their time while not at their homes since they can’t even louder their voice there. These students were strictly taught in their houses and definitely with a rod or stick when they were kids and when they became young adults, the remote that they should keep on their own was unrightfully taken by their parents.

When these kids grow up, they will remember these past days and they would say that that is good so they will base that childhood experiences into their own families that could affect many broods negatively. We should now forget that tradition. It may be beneficial a little because some of the beaten children will be afraid to do nasty things again but just like what had been mentioned, this is only relevant without parents’ presence or when they know that you wouldn’t discover what they’ll do.

It is the most beneficial if parents stop practicing corporal punishment to cease madness. They shouldn’t be swayed by their fiery feelings. If they really want to discipline their child by hitting, do it with love and affection. Why? It’s because if they hit because of their emotion or madness, their beats are more painful than those who hit because of love. Children will feel that pain and they have the ability to determine if that pain was for their own sake. If they determines it was for their own sake, in their adulthood, they won't remember these 'hitting' memories.

If parents hit because it is so their hearts tell them to do, they should stop it. They should only hit if it is against the will of their hearts and would just do it if they want to correct certain wrongness.

If they regret or hit by conscience at the end because of their hitting, it doesn’t mean it is against their hearts. It doesn’t show parents’ love as regretting and conscience are just signs of recognizing mistakes. And if they hit again with their emotion but don’t regret nor hit by conscience at the end of hitting, it means that their emotion over-reigned their love for their children since they feel comforted after the act. They hit to comfort and doctor themselves.

Parents should only physically punish their children so that they could learn moral lessons, not to cause pain like what parents who hit with emotion unintended to do.

If a parent knows already that he or she hit without love, is it more effective to find alternative approaches of disciplining his or her children? Positive children’s personalities are more likely occur when parents refrain from practicing corporal punishment and other negative parenting measures. They should increase the quality of their bonding times. They can utilize these times to teach lessons and discipline them towards the excellent fulfillment of their personalities. If parents are too busy on their jobs to do this, they should find ways. There and there will always be ways for parents who love. What’s the essence of good fortune if they’ll lose time with their family? Time is still gold. They’d lose this gold if they couldn’t do good parenting with enough quantity and quality of time. Utilizing these times, they should tell how much they love their kids; hug them, kiss them, and sleep with them. If children would feel parents’ love, they would certainly love others, too. Parents should be steadfast on instructing them towards good deeds and teaching what is right and what is wrong, what is more important and what is less important, what are good hygiene and what are not and everything that is ethical and natural moral. They will carry these lessons if parents guide them day by day. Parents shouldn’t omit to teach their children how to control themselves because sometimes they forget and overlook the teachings of God and the natural good manners and right conduct because of temptation, one of which is the temptation to do hobbies than to study their lessons or eat meals. If at young ages they were taught of controlling themselves, when they reach puberty and maturity, temptation of sexual desires, alcohol and drug in-take, romantic relationships engagement, happy-go-lucky attitudes, and others will be so weak to affect them. It should be bear in their minds that self-control and faith are the human super-power.

If parents still continue to do this corporal method to appease their hard times, violence is the human super-power they’re teaching to them. However, if parents do this with the right reinforcement and done properly with the right parameters, and that is with love, it will be effective to instill discipline in the minds of their children.

Conversely, the parents who do corporal punishment usually got influenced the acts from what they had been brought up. Worse, there will be a possibility that their children, too, will be using corporal punishment when they become parents. And this corporal punishment will not be true “punishment”. It will be medicine to parents’ wrath.

It is now time for all of us to commit to this issue. Corporal “medicine” works rarely, probably less than one per cent of every generation’s youth but will have long-term repercussions to the majority, probably billions of young people. To eliminate these repercussions, parents should use this punishment approach properly with love and the aim to correct the immorality of their children. This may also be effective to some schools of some countries where it is legal. The practice of corporal punishment such as hitting children as a result of the fiery emotion should be avoided to stimulate positive behavior.

© 2018